So far, I’ve looked at various forms of entertainment – music, TV and movies – through the delightfully charming Adorno & Horkheimer filter. I haven’t yet talked about individual entertainers, or in this case, pop culture figures. I make the distinction because Andy Cohen is in the crosshairs here, and he is anything BUT entertaining. In fact, he’s downright annoying and I was shocked — shocked, I say! — to learn that he is an executive vice president at Bravo. I really thought he was simply an overly-caffinated, over-eager, obsessed/borderline stalker fan of the Real Housewives and the rest of Bravo’s stellar lineup. Little did I know, he was actually responsible for the programming. No wonder he always talkes about it like wants to make love to it!
It also explains why I cannot for the life of me understand why he was just offered a seven-figure book deal to write his memoirs.
Let’s talk about the two main things that are completely wrong with this sentence. Ready?
First, seven figures? For this chucklehead?? I’m sure there are heads of states, army generals, inventors and medical innovators (see: the team of French doctors who performed the first successful face transplant), and exceptional individuals, like the blind guy with no arms and legs who made it to the top of Everest while juggling fire and singing Inna Gadda Davita backwards — in other words, people who have made actual contributions to society….people who have changed the course of history — who have not been offered seven figures to write their authobiographies. Yet, Andy Cohen, who made the “groundbreaking” decision to give Bethany Frankel her own show and stood by in the face of danger so he could air endless episodes America’s Next Top Model reruns, is raking it in.
Bet you feel a little dirty now, don’t you? Allow me to do the honor of making it worse.
What could Andy Cohen possibly have to say that is of any interest to the human race or adds any value to the world? The People article says he’s got funny stories about celebrities. Ok, that’s cute and all, but I go back to Point #1: no way are those anecdotes worth seven figures…unless he’s going to tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger is really a housewife from Wisconsin, Sarah Jessica Parker is not part-equine, and Robin Williams has chaetophobia (fear of hair). I can think of only an itty-bitty small tiny few celebrities whose life story is worth seven figures. These would include, in no particular order, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the list is complete.
The fact that some publishing house – Henry Holt – sees some value (seven-figures worth of value) in Andy’s story is sad. Even sadder is the fact that people will buy this book.
All this shows false value we place on popular culture and where our priorities are in terms of who we hold up as cultural “heroes.”
Refugees of a Mindless Artistry 